It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
