I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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