I'll bet she douches with gravy.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
