She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
