I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
