I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
