So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Every concussion has its silver lining
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
