so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
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She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
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I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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