Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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