I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
