He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Are my feet made of real feet?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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