He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
this hospital has no fireball
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
