I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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