I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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