He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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