Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you made out with another girl for some wings
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
