Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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