Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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