i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
