i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Randomize
