i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
