I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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