We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
