Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
