oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
We just shotgunned beers for America
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
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