my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
