It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
