Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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