also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
