This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
