i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
