Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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