Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
