um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
