I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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