i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize