If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Randomize
