Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
