I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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