You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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