I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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