The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
