Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
