Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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