grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you didnt know i had herpes?
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Randomize
