i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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