I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
