I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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