HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
