I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
