I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
