i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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