The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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