Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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