im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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