Yo dont text me then not text me
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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