You're completely useless in the revolution.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
