the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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