True but thats because hes a fetus.
i think i have herpe
just one?
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
