if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
