i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
