You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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