the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
