Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
