4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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