wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
