Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Randomize
