'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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